Light In

That’s the thing about opening up your smallest, darkest, most fearful places–  wrench open the painted-shut window, force the rusted hinges to work and everyone who peers in can see your quaking misgivings and old old hurts. But air comes in, too,  and light, and through my comment box and the lips of my family, love.

So it was that you were with me in the vinyl chair, with the projected letters and the tests and numbers. My kind and compassionate doctor looked and looked again, and calculated, and asked questions and made notes, and said, “We’re going to get everything for you we can.” He never once made me feel either a curiosity or a failure. I left with my prescription and weary eyes I could close while John drove me home.

Along with the relief that flooded in was the old familiar sadness, that my condition just does not get better, that the best we can do is about the same as my current prescription, and that healing for me is a weaving of acceptance of my situation and a matrix of magnifiers and coping mechanisms.

But the thing about telling your truth, as plain as you can, and letting light and love into the dark places you’ve given up hiding or trying to pretend away, is that even in the sadness, I’m not alone. I, who struggle to see, am seen. By my Maker, my husband, my children and those friends close-up and far off, and that recognition makes all the difference.

 

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Light In

  1. Beth

    Amen, dear one! What a difference it does make to know that we are known, seen, and loved by One who knows our every weakness AND by so many others who may not know it all, but know enough to turn away in disgust, but hang in there with us, by grace, anyway! God is good.

    Reply
  2. Cheri

    Missy – You are a wonderfully talented woman who means so much to so many. Your writings are an inspiration, and I am so happy we have met. Thanks for being so real and open. Hugs!

    Reply
  3. ~ Patricia

    To know that we are known and dearly loved is a precious and divine thing, isn’t it? So grateful that you are surrounded near and far by those who not only love you but are expressions of God’s love for you. xox

    Reply
    1. adailyportion Post author

      Ah, Patricia– yes. To be seen, known, loved and accepted– those who communicate that are truly being “God with skin on–” and have been to me these last few days.
      Thanks so much for adding your gratitude and encouragement here.

      Reply
  4. Trish

    So thankful you had a compassionate doctor. What a difference that makes! I can only imagine it would be a struggle to wrestle with the heartache of hearing there was no change. But I am so thankful that when you wrestle, you find God is there to hold you up and bring hope and healing to your broken heart. Love you!

    Reply
  5. Rachel

    i’m struck now by the juxtaposition of your limited physical eyesight and your stellar heart-eye sight. amazing you are!

    and i’m so glad you got to soak in your earthly and heavenly loves this wk.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s